Thursday, September 19, 2013

#PurplePrompts 9-19-13

Are we destined to live out lives already designed for us, including choices we make that fit the design, or do we have ownership of our fates and the ability to carve out our own paths?

The older I get the less I believe anything is possible by merely putting your mind to it. We are moreso destined to live the expectations set for us. Family, social circles, even our names, heights and pitches in our voices shape our lives. Big picture, the paths are carved for us, but day to day, we choose the adventures that allow us to travel them. Our choices we make now to "fit the design" are shaping the company we keep and the children we might have.


Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Day 21

Day 20, lost.


I feel uncertain. About who I am, who I'm supposed to be, who I want to be. I wish there was more overlap in those 3 identities.

I am selfish. Marriage means a life of shared forevers. Can I ever be ready for that? Children mean I will rarely put my needs first. I actually don't want that. What else could my adult life be, left out of baby showers, attending KD birthday parties alone, never having a family-influenced curfew or a unit to vacation with. Are those deficits?

Sometimes I feel my face hurt because I'm frowning. So I force smiles. It makes me feel better. Then I think, maybe this smile will make someone else feel better.

I feel guilty for wanting nice things, so much that I often don't acquire them.

"Don't be afraid to go out on a limb, that's where the fruit is." Yeah but there's a lot of empty space to fall, and... Well, let's stick to the positive. I like fruit.

I deserve it, right? Is that selfish and entitled too?


Monday, August 19, 2013

Day 18 (ok Day 19)

I fell asleep on Day 18.

I asked for a topic suggestion. Here's what I got.

"What was your favorite childhood toy?"

I wasn't much of a toy person. I was a smarty pants. I liked my books and educational TV shows. I read adult reading like newspapers, encyclopedias, and manuals. But as a youth, I did enjoy:

It was like a carnival in your living room! Hours of dizzy fun. I got too big for it fast, so that I couldn't criss cross applesauce it out and the ride was over. Sads.

I got older and smarter and I started wanting electronics for Christmas. Not really video games but cool gadgets. I have to give mom props, I typically had the new new shit before it blew up. Couldn't I have been normal and wanted the latest sneakers?

My favorite toy was this Vtech laptop that featured educational games an kept me occupied for hours! It was as lifelike as you could get for 1996 but not nearly as the models kids have now, all web-enabled with a mouse. Whatevs. The readable screen was probably as big as my phone screen, had no mouse but reiteration: educational fun for hours. And I thought I looked like a tech-savvy non-dork adult.

This pic doesn't do it justice. One, that's not even it (this one is way older and mine had everything loaded on it, no cartridges) and two...there's no two. It was my fave. The joy probably lasted all of a year as I'd played all the games.

Senior year, I'd gotten a digital camera. Polaroid Fun Flash 640. No zoom at all. It had .3 megapixels. Not even a typo. It was like the Fisher-Price of digital cameras but I was that chick when yearbook photos came around. Totally redefined the selfie and I'm sure prepubescent nudes happened on here. 

Wait. I was 17. Just boobs. No nudes. 

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Day 17

I found my senior thesis today, at home for the weekend:

60+ pages of stuff that hasn't changed in 7 years: the only people that have black women's back is black women. In identifying self, in accurately telling our story, etc etc etc. 

On another note I'm reading a paper by Shaun Harper (one of my reasons for being strongly interested in UPenn for its faculty) titled "The effects of sorority and fraternity membership on class participation and African American student engagement in predominantly White classroom environments" on my Nook (yes my dork is completely showing). You can download it for yourself (link below) but the gist of it is summarized in page 43 of my thesis:

Yeah, that. All of that. Link, as promised:


Sent from my iPhone


Sent from my iPhone

Friday, August 16, 2013

Day 16

Written a while ago. I dont remember who or what I was responding to. The time stamp on the draft hasn't revealed any clues.

A response, which inspired me to write. You're down to fuck, and so am I. We can't take our eyes off each other. My body warms with each glance. I'm already there, wanting. I stand before you, silent, waiting. You, in a tshirt. Soft, damp from shower. Basketball shorts worn at 3pm. I'm ready for their dismissal. Take them off. I mentally tug at your waistband. I visually outline your greatness, your love below. I want it. Take them off. I'm rigid with anticipation. You will make me wait. Closer, still, no sound. I take a seat. You knock lightly at my door. Just a minute. I will let you in. Lower your lips close to my ears and whisper those things that make me wanna. Your eyes shutter like an f-stop. Capture these images: 1. of your hands gripping my thighs. 2. me, rising and falling like a cosine 3. turning me over, bending me further, me wanting you deeper. Punctuate me with exclamation marks as my thighs serve as a parenthetical to this erotic tale you tell between my legs. I hit return. My lips hang open mid-sentence, an ellipsis resting on the fullest parts. You taste. You want more. The aftershocks of

I wish I remembered who I was writing this to, and that I had the courage to send said response. #31writenow

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Day 15

Today I ran outside at the track near work. It felt nice to have the ground underneath my feet. In retrospect, it was nice to run. I know I shouldnt focus on the distance but rather the effort, but 28 minutes to run/walk almost 2 miles?

Never mind. I'll take it. The alternative is 0 miles in 0 minutes. :)

I really just want #serenathighs. Not that people tend to laud her thighs, but I weirdly chant "Serena thighs" sometimes when I gotta push through while running. 

From ESPN Magazine's 2009 Body Issue:

Rather, any set of these will do:

Track thighs (might be) > Serena thighs.