The (unsolved) Mystery of Inequity

This was nothing like I had read about
This high, I could tell, would not be sweet
But these four years would be spent surrounded in valleys
The lows of expectations, the lows of achievement
The lows of graduation rates
The only high of this school existed in its contribution via statistics
High, from all the need
To get rich or die trying
High, from all the weed
The d game, never lying
High, number of HIV infections
High, number of pregnancies
Who knew that I would give birth to possibility of a better life
I could go further than CUNY
Maybe SUNY
Or further out into the boonies
Harvard and Yale wasn't checking my fresh
I went to school but they made it clear I couldn't buy class
Where would I get it?
How would I use it?
What would it get me?
It wasn't at the dollar store.
I soon knew that higher learning would happen outside this penitentiary-in-training
(Cinder block walls
Metal detectors
Bars on the windows
Periodic sweeps and lockdowns
Dress codes
Security guards with walkie-talkies)
That in these years, I would just serve my time
Released early on the account of good behavior
Social promotion if you cause no commotion
Show no emotion
Give your work minimal devotion
Luckily, I knew the wiser (I think)
That college prep wouldn't be found here
close the achievement gap with remedial classes, 12 weeks, "pre-college,"
Really, we were cramming, 12 years, pre-knowledge
(Re)learning subjects and predicates only to find
I shouldve had shakespeare and plato deep in my mind
How do you compete in the championships
When your training barely prepped you for the qualifying round?
I still run laps to build my endurance, in hopes of bringing home the gold
To cynics who were never quite sure you were worthy
Even upon vaguely remembering your name


High school is a sore subject for me, not one I revisit with nostalgia. However, the picture I paint of my high school experience doesn't do it justice. There were highlights, in making the best of it (in retrospect, I say "highlights," when such occurences should be par for the course). I was involved with extracurricular activities, had the opportunity to take AP classes and through the perserverance of a couple of "Stand and Deliver"-esque teachers, participated in your run-of-the-mill "let's get the underserved minorities on track" college-prep courses (in which one class, we, the "honor students," learned how to do "scholarly research" on our scratched, dented, donated, refurbished, yet top-of-the-line IBM desktops. 4 desktops--one mouse ball always missing--25 students, AOL 2.5. In 2001, more than half of us didn't own computers, let alone consistent internet access.) Couple this with your over-the-top awards at graduation (think: any award including a politician's title, important deceased educator and the words "achievement," "distinguished," or "excellence") and a full scholarship to a top-ranked university, I had rightfully earned my spot in the "she gon' make it someday" club.

The benefits of such membership over the years are questionable. As time goes on, college becomes a clusterfuck of self-doubt and resentment. Am I supposed to be here? I'm busting my ass and still coming up short? Why didn't I just go to community college? I couldve stayed on the block!" Conversations on world travels, authors read, and experiences had that I could offer nothing worldly, or worse, experiences that people pitied, were reminders that I missed out on something-that educational inequality reflected a lot of other inequalities. If we weren't equal when we were separate, was I (or my new peers) to believe that being together would wipe that slate clean?

It's hard to imagine a day where all children enter school prepared to succeed, as the mission of the organization I work strives to achieve. Aren't we all--teachers, educators, social workers, administrators--working towards this? What will that day look like, and what are we doing to prepare for that day? Are we equipped to maintain that equality for. generations to come? Or does it upset the natural order of other systems we've grown to accept?