What About Your Friends?

My soror and ePal (another shameless plug, find her at http://blackgirlunlost.blogspot.com) recently posted on making friends as adults (go read it) and as always, great minds think alike. Once you get out of a self-contained environment (for many of us, college) that has social groups already created, where does one turn to "make friends?"

Actually, a short sidenote: this isn't to be read as if I'm a socially awkward loner. However, friends, especially in these hard times of bitchass, triflinass people, some can't be trusted and get cut off quick. Others aren't in it for the long haul (those "let's do lunch real soon" kinda folks, or are situational, like at work) and well, life happens: we go back to school, we move away, get married, our tastes change, etc.

I like to think I have a lot of friends, but really, I just know a lot of people. When I actually narrow it down, I find that a. I can count them on one hand, and b. that handful tends to shift every couple of years. And like myFaves, I always keep a couple of slots freed up.

To fill those slots, I've decided to open the pool once again. I'm keeping myself busy in a different way. Love my sorors, but I gotta see them less. Love my gays, but I can't always be fabulous. I've started to call myself out and actually am going to all those events I said I'd check out.

(Another sidenote: it seems I have a rep for always knowing about events. I went through my email and found enough stuff to attend at least one event a week for a good couple of months. The benefits of staying on listservs from many moons ago)

The other part of opening the pool is by referral. We'll hire our friends for jobs, recommend restaurants, movies, and potential mates to our pals-and I figure, for the most part, your friend's friends should be as awesome as they are, plus or minus a few points to make room for error. So as you hang out with your people, start checking for what they're getting into. Shaquan may not want to hit up that poetry spot next week but what if I want to? Make a mental note and do it to it. Don't go all Single White Female but like Facebook, lurk a little bit and friend somebody else's friend.

I guess the harder part is keeping the friends you make. For that, I have no advice. I don't have any "best friends," and many have come and gone. Everyone is in your life for a reason and a season. I hope some are here to stay, and I hope I'm a friend to many people for the long haul.