Day 13

I want to be in a place where I am not bitter about men, love, and relationships. I have no faith in any of them.

A lot of women chalk up their misfortune with love to a laundry list of "men are jerks" and "I always choose the wrong ones" or complete blaming: "it's my fault because of my issues." It's both. Men suck but so do we. Men are men because they are men. Women are women because of men. Our movement, our voice, our existence, however meek or mighty, is born from how men operate this world. Does this make me a bad feminist?

I'm scared of being alone and single. Currently and having been single all this time has become normal. Sure I want love in #him but even the tiny proof of its existence is unconvincing. All good things come to an end and for sure love is no exception. Men treat women the way they're taught and how we allow them to. Unfortunately, many of us don't advocate for what we truly want and need. So we get what's offered and gratefully accept. Then bitch because we didn't get better. Yes you deserve better, but you're the only person who believes that. Fix that. But if you only knew how.

If we believe the idea that there is someone for everyone, just one (keeping this argument simple), doesnt it mean that everyone we date is likely to be an ex? What kinda sickness do we commit ourselves to hoping that everyone we get emotionally attached to, from the first innocent hello to the last tumultuous, hard-to-say goodbye, is going to be our forever?

Love just feels like a stupid choice. Rather, a risky one. Why gamble your heart? What's most insulting is being met with "you just haven't found the right one yet to change your mind." Shouldn't I be the one to change my own mind?

I think the questions are more interesting than the answers.