Day 2

I like making lists. This one is inspired by a blog by @feministajones on femininity.

1. i don't think I'm completely embraced my femininity. I can only consider whether I like being a woman in relation to being a man, which is never been or will ever be. There's so many reasons why being a man would be great (those extra 23 cents, peeing standing up) but there's some fun in being a woman. Now only if men would stop taking said joy away.

2. I have a weird relationship with the color pink. We're socially conditioned to think of pink as a girl's color, from the first swaddle to the last flower placed on our caskets (I don't even recall my grandmother - RIP - liking pink). I didn't wear it a lot growing up and if I ever had an option to choose toys or clothing in different colors I did. About a few years ago, I decided that I will choose pink solely in attempt to appear more girly. Stupid, right? I own a lot of stuff in pink now-one could think it's my favorite color. It's not.

3. For women to be such a lesser sex, there sure are a lot of male entertainers who like (making their money from) pretending to be women. I guess being a woman is great for the sum of her parts. I maybe in the minority in that the "work" it takes to look like a woman, superficially, is work. I just wonder why men would take the time to try to look, sound and act like me, all to take it off and voila, be a man again! On a larger scale, I don't understand men feeling like they're born in the wrong body. I'm all for being your true self, but I can't see how a man just feels like they're supposed to be a woman. Is there a void where their ovaries would be? Do they feel like they're missing out on nurturing loved ones in their bosom?

4. Can a woman live completely fearless? I love the idea of a strong, independent, can-do-all woman. But even the strongest and most amazing is in danger of being taken advantage of, being reduced to diminutive descriptors, shamed for what she cannot control and controlled for what she could never have access to. She still worries when she walks down the street on a warm summer night. She'll always wonder if she'll fall short of being the best mother, auntie, daughter and wife ever.

5. I really want to get boudoir photos taken. Not as a bigger woman. I want flat stomach, or smaller stomach. Strategic lighting and dramatic poses in the best lingerie money can buy. I don't consider myself photogenic but it would be cool to be portrayed as sexy. I'm aware that I can be sexy anytime and everyday. I just...don't.

6. Who came up the phrase "feminine hygiene"? A whole aisle dedicated to me NOT smelling unsavory at any point in the month. What? It's up there with "ethnic hair preparation" at CVS. Also, thanks for putting condoms, lube and pregnancy tests, and Monistat in the same aisle. I need that perspective.

7. I've never bought condoms before. Won't get into why or how but a woman should know how to do it, right? If I had to run out to the drugstore right now I'd be so lost. I'd totally be the girl who just sputters "...uh, what's better, the yellow box or the black box? I don't need 12, do I?... Just give me both. Shit, $18? Really?"

8. I don't watch the Simpsons often but Lisa Simpson is really awesome. I wish she could grow up in real-time. According to Wikipedia, she was born in 84 and popularized the phrase "meh." I actually think about this a lot for fictional women characters: the Baby Sitters Club, Daria, Patti Mayonnaise, Ramona Quimby... Why can't I think of any black women fictional characters? The two which come to mind are Lauren Olamina and Addy from the American Girl series. Surely you can draw your own parallels between these girls as to the kinda woman I am.

9. There have been a rash of stories about girls, as always, doing the damn thing, particularly in STEM and overall academic excellence. The one girl who completed her bachelors at 14? And another girl in the UK who passed the bar at 18? (Links below) I just saw some video about a girl in Canada who invented a flashlight powered by energy emitted from your hands when holding it.

Then there's some more unfortunate stories, like a girl who was arrested, or suspended (I can't remember) for speaking up about a literature assignment, another for a science experiment... I'm having a hard time finding these stories online but my point: i really hope these arent becoming "look, a girl can do it too" novelty stories. First, duh, of course she can and second (and probably contrary to my first point), it cannot be easy to reconcile femininity with scholarship. Edit: it ISN'T easy to reconcile femininity with scholarship. To do it at 14? 18? 11? To grapple being taken seriously as a woman, as a professional when you're "just a girl," then be "not a real girl" because those accolades aren't socially accepted as womanly?

Thinking as a woman is overwhelming. #31writenow